Massacre of the English Language: Part 32

There is a beer company currently offering cold beer insurance. It's a marketing gag, but it's also contributing to the untimely death of the English language. They claim that a spot on the label turns a different color when said beer is perfectly chilled. That's insurance, they say.

Um, no. That's assurance. When the spot on the bottle changes color you can be assured that your beverage is cold enough to consume. The color changing label assures you, the consumer, that the time is right to consume.

But it does not insure that your beverage is cold. They didn't insert a tiny compressor in the can, powered presumably by carbonation, to chill your brew. They haven't sent a team of heating, ventilation and air conditioning professionals to insure that your beverage is properly frosty and cool. They didn't send an inspector to make sure your picnic cooler was properly filled with regulation ice cubes.

No. They whipped up a spiffy label that changes color when you have properly chilled your beverage for the recommended amount of time. That's cold beverage assurance.

Rest assured.