'No' Is Not in a Cat’s Vocabulary

I lost ownership of my home a long time ago. It's now owned by my four cats. It's just too bad they can't help me pay the mortgage.  
 
Visit my house any given day, and you will see what I mean. The two couches both have holes in them. White cotton tufts hang out of the bottom corners. I have tried to disguise the holes with slipcovers, but alas, my secret is revealed when the fabric bunches up on my large couch.  
 
The small couch (which was my first couch purchased six years ago) has a huge hole in the side. Or let’s just say that whole side of the couch is missing. The cats have clawed the fabric off right down to the wooden frame. Thankfully, I can completely cover that hole with the slipcover.  

I imagine the cats think the use of this hole they created, much to my chagrin, is funny. Every day, I see at least one cat lifting the slipcover and climbing into the hole for a long, relaxing nap. This is also where they hide when it's time to go to the vet. If cats can't laugh on the outside, they certainly must be laughing on the inside when I'm desperately trying to lure them out of the back corner of the couch for their yearly exam.  

Though I’ve dreamed of having a home with beautiful woodwork, my dreams were shot when my cat Bella started using the wooden hutch in the kitchen as a scratching post. Whenever I hear the scratching noise, I run into the kitchen and scream “NO!” She always looks at me and continues to scratch, acting as if she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. “No” is one word that that is not in a cat’s vocabulary. They know what you mean when you say “vet,” “food” or “I love you” but the word “no” doesn’t register.

Among other items in the house that show the cats are the true owners: cat mice toys strewn on the floors, cat fur galore on my slipcovers and bedspreads, “dust kitties” in the corners of my hardwood floors. Believe me –I clean a little every day. I run the Orrick vacuum every evening on my area rug and try desperately to use the electrostatic rubber fur brush to remove fur from the arms of the couches. But it seems the minute I put the vacuum away, more fur appears. I am now convinced that one single cat fur can instantly multiple into about 20 others.

Regardless, I still love the little buggers. When I’ve had a bad day, I can count on a cat to come up on the bed and purr me to sleep. And when I wake up in the morning for work, the cat will still be lying there sound asleep. Every time I think the same thought – why can’t she get a job? If only she could….