Christmas Clark Griswold-style

Christmas 2009 will be my year, I thought to myself when I saw the mall’s Christmas displays last month. This would be the year that I go all out Clark Griswold style. I would cover my house in an array of Vegas-like lights and have the biggest, most radiant tree on the block.  

Armed with a credit card, I went to Target Thanksgiving weekend with a mission to buy sparkly Christmas tree decorations. I scurried first to the home section and picked up a café rod for my bedroom curtains. Good thing I had this 48-inch rod in my hand as I braved the shoving masses back to the Christmas section. I must have missed the sign that advertised a marathon race at Target that morning. One man brushed against my swollen, pregnant belly as he ran down the aisle toward the toy section. I was taken aback. The next person who bumps my belly is getting speared by this café rod, I thought to myself.  

By the time I got to the Christmas department, my hopes for the best Christmas ever were dashed. Most of the ornament racks were bare. An array of stockings and tree skirts lay haphazardly on the floor. Every aisle I walked into had someone briskly swerving a cart toward me, like a racecar driver who had lost control on wet asphalt. Some people chose to stand with their cart in the middle of the aisle while talking on their cell phones. I meekly said excuse me to these people as I slid my baby bump past them. What I should’ve said is “excuse you.”  

I had been in Target for less than 15 minutes, but it was time to get out of that insane asylum.Battling the carts and the shoving masses was not worth it just to buy a few nice ornaments. So I paid for the curtain rod and left the store. No best tree ever this year.  

Later on, I experienced more holiday rudeness at JC Penney. I may have well been the invisible woman as I waited in a long line to pay for my gifts. An elderly man butted in front of me as if he didn’t see me. He didn’t say excuse me or anything. Was he truly so out of it that he didn’t see me? Or did he really think it was more important at that moment to jump the line so he could get out of the store five minutes quicker than I?   

I had many friends tell me, “that’s why I shop online.” Every year, I vow to boycott stores from Thanksgiving through New Year’s, but every year I find myself there. This year it was the quest for the perfect tree that brought me out. Now, I could not care less about the tree.  

So why do it? Why do people feel it’s more important to shove and push their fellow (wo)man around just to get the perfect gift or perfect tree décor?  

I don’t know the answer to this. Maybe it’s a case of keeping up with the Joneses. Even at Christmas time, life is a rat race. One thing I know for sure – I’m not doing this again next year. And if you see me at Target next Christmas season, just forget you read this column, ok?